BEING SAFE AS YOU CAN WITH THE ABUSER

 

If you are being abused the best thing you could do for yourself and children, if you have children is to get out, since being safe is sometimes unrealistic. Until you are ready to leave, there are ways you can minimize the abuse.

Recognize the danger signs-

Most of us know the warning signs or the triggers that say that your abuser's temper is about to flare.  Whether it is too much alcohol, which was most of the time my ex-husbands trigger, or a bad day at work or simply you are just too slow bringing dinner to the table, but try to appease your abuser anyway.  Try to leave the room for him to cool down alone.  If that doesn't work start thinking, don't shut down.

 

Avoid areas that are dangerous-

Most attacks that result in serious injury occur in the kitchen, where abusers can easily reach for knives, scissors and other sharp objects.  Also the second dangerous room is the bathroom and other areas where there is no escape.  Try to get to rooms with outside doors or windows and a telephone.

 

Don't be afraid to leave-

Run to a neighbor's house, jump in the car and drive off, call the police.  This causes you to buy time.  So that the abuser will calm down.

 

Practice when the abuser isn't home-

When your abuser is at work or out for the evening, practice an escape route in every room, just like you would a fire drill.  Know your surroundings.  Teach it to your children if your abuser is abusing the children.  Make it very clear that they should escape if the abuser tries to hurt them.  Make sure the children are aware never to get in between you and the abuser.  Instead give them specific instructions of what you want them to do. 

 

Decide on a safe word or phrase-

There may come a day when you will decide the time is right to leave or when you are in danger, but you can't discuss it without the abuser hearing.  Have a safe word or phrase that family or friends will recognize.  This word or phrase will let them know to call the police.

 

Memorize important numbers and always have change on you-

If you ever escape from your abuser with nothing but the clothes on your back, you should at least have some numbers memorized to call so they can help you.  If you don't usually walk around the home with your cell phone, keep change in the car or in the pockets of your clothes, so you can have it to call family, friends or domestic violence hotlines.  If you don't have a car or can't get to the car in time, you may need the change for public transportation.

 

Do not purchase a deadly weapon to protect yourself-

Many times the weapon such as a knive or gun is taken from the victim and used against them.